I’ve watched some fairly mediocre movies lately, but believe I’ve reached a low point from which to rise — because I can’t imagine many films worse than Quintet.

The premise is decent sci-fi: during a future earth ice age, seal-hunter Essex (Paul Newman) and his pregnant companion Vivia (Brigitte Fossey) find a post-apocalyptic underground city, trapped beneath snow. Within, a tribe of surviving humans have created a warped dystopia.

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