Set in 18th century Paris, Jean-Baptiste Grenouille (Ben Whishaw) is born with super-human powers of smell. Abandoned as a child, he decides to create the ultimate perfume by killing various women and distilling their aroma (sorry, I’m not making this up).

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400 years in the future, Aeon Flux (Charlize Theron) is a covert rebel agent fighting against the Goodchild regime within a city walled off from the rest of the world due to an incurable virus that devastated the human race.

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Sigh. These days we’re used to “re-imaginings” where a new film rises up, phoenix-like, from the cheesy ashes of the old franchise. The Next Karate Kid was a lame attempt at reviving the original, failing for various reasons: not enough time had passed before the first (this flick came out in 1989 1994), not enough “re-imagining,” and lastly an almost total lack of chemistry between Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita) and new karate student Julie (Hilary Swank).

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Eragon is a kid’s flick, based on a children’s book. Like many modern films, the CGI special effects and the story are decent, but most everything else fails horribly. For starters, the overall look is shamelessly derivative of The Lord of The Rings trilogy. We have evil assassins that look much like orcs or Nazgul, and even the actress cast as the elf lady (Sienna Guillory) resembles a hybrid of Cate Blanchette and Liv Tyler. The main magician baddie Durza looks like Grima Wormtongue, and there’s even a scene where he commands a vast army from up above that if there was any justice, would evoke a WETA lawsuit.

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I’m not sure how I got into yet another Netflix rut, but The Island Of Dr. Moreau is a scary genetic experiment of a flick. It’s similar other “clone” movies I’ve seen recently (The 6th Day, The Island). This 1996 version of an HG Welles story is car-crash bizarre and seriously tested my ability to swallow its science fiction. I can only recommend this strange brew of sci-fi, horror, Apocalypse Now, and The Labyrinth if you’re having a “bad movie” festival, or if such film making horrors make you laugh.

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I’ve watched some fairly mediocre movies lately, but believe I’ve reached a low point from which to rise - because I can’t imagine many films worse than Quintet.

The premise is decent sci-fi: during a future earth ice age, seal-hunter Essex (Paul Newman) and his pregnant companion Vivia (Brigitte Fossey) find a post-apocalyptic underground city, trapped beneath snow. Within, a tribe of surviving humans have created a warped dystopia.

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Failure to Launch starring Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker is a pretty calculated movie, one where the math is pretty wrong. It’s basically a by the numbers romantic comedy (boy meets girl, they break up, they get back together) combined with the mean spirit of Meet the Parents and the social awkwardness of 40 Year Old Virgin.

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The Stepford Wives starring Nicole Kidman and Matthew Broderick is a real time waster of a movie, even as a rental. I chalk it up to a lack of guts.

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