Synopsis

After lodging his posterior in an airline toilet, Nashwan Wade (Kevin Hart) is awarded a hefty settlement. He uses the cash to open NWA airlines, featuring a huge purple jet catering to the African American demographic. Hilarity ensues.

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The fourth installment of the Superman franchise nearly made me cry (and would have been a good entry in the So Bad They’re Good movie contest). This is despite solving one problem of Superman III: Gene Hackman and Margot Kidder are back as Lex Luthor as Lois Lane - but unfortunately, everything else is a complete and utter disaster.

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I watched this cosmic travesty via Joost’s “The Really Terrible Film Channel”. Warning signs to waste my time elsewhere began with the very first frame, stating: “In the competition for new materials and advanced manufacturing techniques, two multi-national corporations have invested heavily in space,” read by a super-hokey narrator. We’re soon aboard the Shenandoah, a spacecraft populated by D-list actors that all look sort of familiar, having guest-starred on ER or Knight Rider. Sadly, this flick is a step down.

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Joost has one channel, custom-made for my occasional desire for cinematic self-abuse: The Really Bad Movie Channel. There, I found the burn-out comedy Tunnel Vision, in the same vein as Amazon Women On The Moon or The Kentucky Fried Movie - a stream of semi-funny, slightly ribald SNL-esque skits. The goal of Tunnel Vision is to lampoon terrible television, but I couldn’t quite shake the feeling that it’s too easy of a target and genuine, unintentionally bad television is often funny enough and in large supply on YouTube today.

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Best described as “Filipino Bat Man and Robin” this terrible-on-the-verge-of-hilarious flick is an unauthorized Batman spoof with the familiar caped comic-book crusaders played by local Filipino comedians - none that I recognized, naturally, since I know nothing about Filipino cinema. Batman and Robin fight the Joker and the Penguin, and the antics and costumes are all lifted from the sixties television show.

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Andy Sidaris may be the Alfred Hitchcock of So Bad It’s Good movies. His “Bullets, Bombs, and Babes” style flicks all follow a fairly standard pattern. This sort of movie has a specific target audience: bored twenty something college males. The movies are direct to video and rented by folks tempted by the women wielding weapons on the box covers. The low budget surely means it’s easier for the film to make back its investment.

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The common denominator with bad horror movies is they’re simply not scary. In Ghost Ship, I found this true for two reasons. First, the characters are insanely stupid; and because they get themselves into dumb situations, it’s like, well, what happy place did you think you’d find on a dark, damp, abandoned ocean liner floating in the icy Pacific? Now you’re going to die; ooh, not scary. Second, the evil creature revealed as the mastermind behind the haunty stuff is quite non-scary. The result of un-spooky threats means that which is meant to be suspenseful ends up pro-boring.

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Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls can only be weakly described as psychedelic-musical-camp-soft-porn-satire. The wacky masterpiece was directed by Russ Meyer (admirer of top heavy actresses) featuring a screenplay written by Roger Ebert (yes, the movie critic with the up or down thumb). They were hired to create a sequel to Valley of The Dolls, a movie adaptation of a best selling book, but the author wanted nothing to do with the project. Hence the disclaimer at the start which denies any relationship to that also bad film.

The movie follows three women in a rock group that travel to Los Angeles for fame and fortune, documenting the hip, groovy, funky, heavy happenings they encounter in psychedelic late-sixties California. As with many bad films, the style oscillates wildly between genres. But this dream world - where no one blinks and is populated with big hair, bright smiles, and ample assets - I found quite hilarious.

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My eyes are really burning now, but there’s much laughter. Reform School Girls features tough women acting manly, senseless violence, a crayon-on-construction-paper plot, tortured emotion, cat fights, prison riots, ridiculous camera angles, over-acting, pointless underwear and nudity, a low budget, and cheesy soundtrack to boot. Did I leave anything out? Think 1986 on infinite repeat over night on some pay cable channel. It’s bad and badderer.

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Seems like most of the films entered in the contest have been horror movies. Still, Ghost Rider is the best out of the So Bad It’s Good movies I’ve seen, but not because it’s awful. It’s actually okay - although I’m glad I didn’t pay good money to see it in the theater. Even as a rental it’s a waste of time.

Based on a Marvel comic book, Johnny Blaze (Nicholas Cage), a stunt motorcyclist, sells his soul to the Mephistopheles in order to cure his father of cancer. Mephistopheles transforms Blaze into the Ghost Rider and commands him to fight the devil’s son, Blackheart who wants to create a hell on Earth. Along the way, Blaze’s lifetime love Roxanne (Eva Mendez) discovers and must come to terms with the fact that she’s in love with a burning skeleton that rides a motorcycle and fights off denizens of the underworld.

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