Based On My Wife, I’ve Been Using Social Media Incorrectly
After taking a break from FriendFeed and using Twitter only sporadically over the weekend — I feel better already.
For starters, I must admit: I was (and still am) addicted to social media. I’ll take the blame myself, although its constant presence on my iPhone (via Twitter clients and BuddyFeed) didn’t help matters. The urge to check out “what’s going on right now” was omnipresent, and often indulged.
Anyhow, I once was a smoker, and did manage to quit smoking several years ago — by going cold turkey. So that’s one strategy, but I’m leaning towards moderation first, and seeing if that works.
Inspired by Scoble’s post (Craving intimacy in social networks, where he polls his spouse) — I asked my wife how she uses Facebook. She, in real life, is several times more social and gregarious than I am. She talks to strangers, makes friends easily, and enjoys parties. But despite her social nature, she’s not hooked on all this social media stuff. After a bit of chatting, here’s her usage:
- Only friends and follows people she knows in real life, therefore a handful of people.
- Keeps everything private.
- Doesn’t think anybody would (or should) be interested in the mundane stuff she does on a daily basis, therefore doesn’t get the point of Twitter or FriendFeed.
- Isn’t interested in meeting new people online.
- As a result, checks Facebook every three days.
Based on the above, I think the key is number 1. By limiting friends and followers to real world folks, you place an upper limit on friends and followers, and avoid the “popularity contests” that result in quantity over quality.
Her modus operandi (which I would consider representative of a normal, mainstream user) could be summed up by one statement: social media is best used as a supplement to existing relationships, not a replacement for them. She uses it to enhance relationships with offline, real world friends, vs. a place to make new ones.
Perhaps her social media strategy is best illustrated with a simple diagram, loosely inspired by Louis Gray’s (hope he doesn’t mind):
I think what I need to start doing is getting my social media life back in tune with reality. It’s got to be less of a priority, more of a supplement, and less of an constant presence. The biggest bit of evidence that it’s out of whack? In the past year, I never once asked my wife — who isn’t stressed out or overwhelmed — how she uses social media, preferring instead to listen to any number of self-professed experts online, instead.
Now that I’ve written that down, it’s rather embarrassing, and lame. Like I said in the headline, I feel I’ve been doing it all wrong.
Lastly, I find it amusing is that my wife — who as mentioned before, is several magnitudes more social than I am in the offline world — has been using social media less than I, an admittedly anti-social person who has strangely been using it to an excess. It’s no surprise I got burned out.
There are many ways to use social media and many ways to communicate. Perhaps life was better before mass/instant communication and all sorts of other technologies, when people stayed in the area where they were born and really new their neighbours and family.
Now the world is so hectic, the constant urge to do better, make more money or to be at the end of the phone 24/7. Most people seem to move around a lot, relationships are more tenuous and transient.
I think it’s a good idea to switch off every now and then, catch your breath and focus on what’s important to you.
I used twitter this way for almost 2 years — I only really followed people that I knew in person. I’ve recently gone away from it, but not so much that I lose sight of those people in the stream. Facebook very much remains my private space with my friends and family, and I like it that way. I get more useful engagement out of facebook then anywhere else because of its integration in the things I’m doing.
That said, I log off most weekends and enjoy other things in the offline world. Gotta get away and have balance. Something I think a lot of people lose sight of.
Yep, I can see myself retreating into one or two social sites as you
have … And I can see I’ve gotten out of balance recently.
I read another article recently that pointed out how social networks
have always existed, before the web got all social.
Experiences vary, I’d say. I’m a bit of an introvert. It’s difficult for me to be open when meeting new people face to face and I tend to be a bit laconic. I’ve used social media sites to meet new folks. It mostly stems from back in the day, from BBS to IRC. Of course, I still only really communicate with a small fraction of the people I’ve “friended” and that’s something I’ll need to work on.
Like billhelm, I most often don’t pay attention to sites like Twitter or Friendfeed during the weekends. I’d rather be gaming, reading or dealing with stuff I don’t have time for during the week. I reckon that’s helped me quite a bit.
btw, I’m sorry to see you deleted your FF account. You do what you gotta do, though, and I’ll still be checking out your tweets!