It’s been a nice weekend enjoying the sunny weather – but I’ve had a bit more time to consider the implications of taking a break from FriendFeed, what it says about myself, and social media in general.

I’ve basically decided my involvement in social media over the past few years has been a very mixed bag, and on a deeper level – somewhat of a farce.

In the offline world, away from the Internet, I am a loner; an introvert. I have no qualms using the negative descriptor “anti-social.” While I have a core group of friends, co-workers, family, and a loving wife and two cats – I don’t travel much beyond a sphere of a handful of people – I like a small circle. I get stressed out when in large groups, and socializing tends to be a distraction from a long list of productive things I could be doing alone. I’m at my best “one on one,” dislike having more than one or two scheduled “social events” in a week, and literally need alone time to “re-charge” by myself.

Fellow introverts should be nodding their heads in familiar agreement.

Blog?

But wait, you write this blog. Isn’t that the definition of egotism and extroversion? Well, not in my case. My posts have always been opining on movies and technology and Apple stuff. What I don’t blog about should be revealing: I don’t write about my day job, family, or personal life – basically the vast majority of my life. The above paragraphs are the most personal ones I’ve written in the past year. Privacy is constantly on my mind and the blog displays only one small slice of my personality, and not often mentioned in my daily, offline life. I keep a pretty tight wall between online and offline.

So why blog? Truth be told, it’s more to keep track of my own thoughts in database form. So I can look back on all the movies I’ve seen and figure out which are the best. I’d continue this way for years – with the comments shut off – and be pretty well satisfied.

Pretending To Be Something I’m Not

With all that as a preface – my involvement in social media began as a means to introduce the Internet at large to some solitary obsessions. But in the process of promoting the blog, has turned in a rather disingenuous game, where I pretend to be “social”: interested, open, welcoming thousands of followers, mesmerized by sparkling conversation – when I deep down, I could care less. I also admit to feeling that by being social online, it might get me to come out of my shell and become more social in real life.

Well, that never happened. Actually, it’s probably made things worse as far as the offline world is concerned.

I’m at the point where there’s no point in trying to turn an orange into an apple. This is some testament to how “social” the online world has become – it mimics real life so well that I find myself getting uncomfortable and annoyed in the same manner during a social event in the “real world.” FriendFeed is literally, often like a cocktail party, with tons of people chatting and tossing opinions about – I don’t feel comfortable at parties.

(Looking back with some navel-gazing, this explains my history of “quitting” services. I quit Twitter, quit Facebook, and quit Google Reader – all social, popularity tracking stuff. Meanwhile, I’ve stuck with movies, television, and iPhone apps – largely solitary activities.)

The Cat Nerd At The UNIX Workstation

Lastly: I first got into computers back in the eighties as a teenager, partly because that’s what introverted kids, who weren’t interested in popularity contests (sports) did. Very pleasing was operating in an electronic world that one could control alone. When you get into creation (music, art, programming), you are the master of your own domain, the creator of your own cosmos.

Things were just peachy for years, until the Internet started taking over. For a while, it was all manageable through email and a browser, but then a few years ago, all this social stuff started piling on. This whole deal with “followers” is a simulation of the very popularity contests (sports) I avoid.

Looking back, I got into computers to get away from people. Now “everyone else” has showed up and thinks computers are communication tools; a socializing wonderland.

The computer lab has been invaded by jocks and cheerleaders, throwing a party, maybe having loud sex on a workstation or something. Meanwhile, one nerd in the corner (who loves cats – doesn’t that say it all?) just wants to get some coding done, and wonders what the heck happened to the peace and quiet.

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