The Movie Industry In 2050

October 13, 2007

I recently watched a documentary on the making of 2001: A Space Odyssey, regarding the challenges of trying to predict the technological future back in the 1960s. For some reason it inspired some random thoughts about where the Hollywood movie going experience will be in the more distant future – and how technology will make things both better but more likely – worse.

• The new storage format of choice is HGHD (holographic HD) on a crystal cube which features several million pixels of resolution in three directions. Of course, both Apple and Google have competing, incompatible formats. Some were hoping that Apple’s acquisition of Sony and Google’s of Microsoft would have alleviated yet another format war (the HG war cost the economy several trillions in spiteful piracy) but the more things change, the more they stay the same.
• Holographic, 3D movies gave movie theaters a slight boost in attendance, however, ticket prices remain prohibitively high at 100 dollars a head. Some feel the ad overlays are a real turnoff.
• CGI versions of deceased actors are in widespread use, despite how fine nuances of performance are still not yet achievable. The end result are many cameos and bit parts, for example Blades Of Glory IX where a young CGI John Heder is whacked in the crotch multiple times in hyper-high definition (John Heder died in 2034 due to a bad mix of a holographic Lindsay Lohan and genetic pain killers).
• CGI enhancements for aging celebrities are common enough that several A-listers haven’t appeared in public for several years, yet still continue to act in films. The paparazzi is constantly in a frenzy trying to expose what they look like now, but who’s to say those freak show photographs aren’t computer-doctored as well?
• Piracy continues to run rampant through the industry, although not for the latest HGHD media. Because storage has increased to the terabyte per penny level, it’s now completely possible to store thousands of “2D” movies on the new xPod.
• Hollywood has still not given up on its ill-advised remakes and sequel-itis. Behold the wonder of a Muppet Movie remake (CGI frogs, bears, and pigs), the “re-imagining” of The Godfather, Office Space: The Musical and the Academy Award nominated GI Joe: The Movie.
• Apple’s HGMovie (part of iLife ’48) features a plot generation module that automatically creates holographic, interactive movies starring you and all the people you’ve stored information about on your home computer.
• The Apple xPod stores 1 billion songs or movies in two small ear buds – essentially the earphones have become the iPod. Bloggers rant about the lack of a cranial implant feature and no HGHD capabilities.
• An old “television station” by the name of NBC, which was purchased by Amazon in 2031, finally decides to release old reruns of “television shows” on Apple’s xPod subscription network. However, demand for 2D media is so low (party due to piracy) that the entire back catalog of forty years’ worth of media – commands a fire-sale price of $40.
• Hot actors and actresses in 2050: Virtual Tom Hanks as a dying man struggling with the decision to clone himself. Evan Rachel Wood as a holographic Lindsay Lohan in the Academy Award nominated John Heder biopic. Virtual Missy Priity, a combination of Audrey Hepburn and the real Jessica Alba that impressed everyone with her portrayal of a pampered, ethically questionable tech employee in the controversial expose: Google: Virtual Sweat-Shop Empire.
• The wireless interface between your HGHD player and organic LED wallpaper requires a digital handshake de-encryption key priced at $1,500. Monster sells the same key for $3,000.