The Next Karate Kid: Hopefully the last.

= 1 star

Starring Pat Morita, Hilary Swank
Directed by Christopher Cain

Amazon Link

Sigh. These days we’re used to “re-imaginings” where a new film rises up, phoenix-like, from the cheesy ashes of the old franchise. The Next Karate Kid was a lame attempt at reviving the original, failing for various reasons: not enough time had passed before the first (this flick came out in 1989 1994), not enough “re-imagining,” and lastly an almost total lack of chemistry between Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita) and new karate student Julie (Hilary Swank).

We start with Mr. Miyagi traveling to the east coast to get an award for his service in World War II. He ends up in Boston and meets Julie (Hilary Swank), grandchild of a late war buddy. She’s an annoyed, rebellious teen, unpopular at school and hounded by a gang of karate security guards taught by bad-attitude sensei (Michael Ironside). As expected, Mr. Miyagi decides to teach Julie karate, taking her to a zen monastery (conveniently located in what looks like upstate New York) for training.

Casting a teenage girl as the “kid” may have looked good on paper (equal opportunity, possibilities for sexist humor) but the semi-creepy teacher-student relationship from Part III unfortunately carries over, and with opposite genders, feels even more inappropriate. Both of Julie’s parents are dead and her grandmother leaves on some long trip, essentially leaving Julie under the care of Mr. Miyagi, who stays over as a house-guest (who in their right mind would leave a teenage daughter alone for weeks with an old Japanese dude from out of town - I don’t care if he’s a karate master!). Some questions could have been avoided if Mr. Miyagi had alternate living arrangements, but the script wanted some lame jokes about Mr. Miyagi shaving with nylons hanging over his head and makeup clattering out of the medicine cabinet. Perhaps Mr. Miyagi has some war injury that leaves him completely asexual.

Yet at the same time, this sort of film requires an emotional connection between the teacher and student. In the original Karate Kid, Ralph Macchio, totally enraptured by Mr. Miyagi nods his head as he tries to comprehend the simplest stuff like “sand the floor.” Hilary takes the chip on her shoulder a bit too far - she doesn’t seem like she is ever impressed with Mr. Miyagi - so the film becomes increasingly pointless.

It’s definitely possible to have an emotional connection between a male teacher and female student and not have it be creepy. The obvious example is a good sports flick ironically starring the exact same Hilary Swank as a student: Million Dollar Baby.

The film also has several attempts at feel-good scenes, but I wasn’t taken in. At the monastery are a bunch of monks that do a strange line dance and then go “zen bowling.” They close their eyes and hit perfect frames while the crowd cheers. Eventually they all end up living in the same house with Hilary and Mr. Miyagi. Like I said, creepy.

There are a few so-bad-it’s-good moments, but not enough to even make The Next Karate Kid worth seeing even in that respect:

• A monk shoots an arrow at Mr. Miyagi’s chest and he catches it with his bare hands.
• The boring high school prom scene where three bad karate students bungee jump from the rafters for no apparent reason whatsoever.
• Julie’s strange fashion sense usually involving tying her shirt up, exposing a bare midriff.
• Julie’s totally vanilla love interest - about as exciting as a banana peel.
• Mr. Miyagi buying a prom dress using zen-like wisdom, proving he actually doesn’t have an answer for everything.

If anybody attempts a future “re-imagining” of The Karate Kid, I hope it’s a prequel back to World War II where we see Mr. Miyagi crane-kicking Nazis. And please give the student some friends other than one love interest. Otherwise, for Mr. Miyagi action, stick with Part I and Part II, and for Hilary Swank as a student, check out Million Dollar Baby.

IMDB: The Next Karate Kid
Wikipedia: The Next Karate Kid
Rotten Tomatoes: The Next Karate Kid 10%

Categories: 1 Star Movies, General, Movies :: Tags: 1 star, Christopher Cain, Hilary Swank, Pat Morita, The Karate Kid, The Next Karate Kid :: Trackback URL
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