Starring Ewan McGregor, Scarlett Johansson, Steve Buscemi
Directed by Michael Bay

= 2 stars

Amazon Link

This is a short review. The Island is directed by Michael Bay, and that alone should indicate if this film is for you. He directed Pearl Harbor and Armageddon, which starred an asteroid and Ben Affleck in a supporting role.

Bay’s film-making is woefully haphazard: random camera angles, constant movement, macho posturing, and explosions galore. Just imagine the cinematography of an action sequence applied to an entire movie. Some may pump their fists in glee, while I reach for the Dramamine.

The Island does have a pretty cool premise: clones grown for the sole purpose of providing spare parts. It’s told from the clones’ point of view. The result is The Matrix crossed with Logan’s Run and THX 1138 (and supposedly quite similar to The Clonus Horror). Initially, I enjoyed discovering the purpose of this dystopia along with clones Lincoln Six Echo (Ewan McGregor) and Jordan Two Delta (Scarlett Johansson). They have spent several years eating wheat germ and playing XBOX in a perfume commercial / Apple Store, and eventually escape into the real world.

Plot holes abound, but I’ll list the most egregious offenses:

• Where do the two coddled doofus clones get the smarts to outrun scores of armed humans?
• Why is it that vast conspiracies are always lorded over by a lone, evil, corporate megalomaniac?
• With all the high technology at their disposal, why are basic security measures neglected, such as exploding proximity implants that would instantly kill an escaped clone?
• The monetary expense to create and run an entire clone city surely suggests alternate business models, such as a chain of luxury hotels stocked with clones of deceased celebrities. Merrick could pay royalties.
• What’s up with the rampant product placements: Aquafina, XBOX, MSN Search, Calvin Klein, and Mack trucks? And wait: why are some of these ads directed towards clones?

Lastly, the creation of a world within a world for the sake of a plot surprise makes it nearly impossible to have a reconciliation of the two worlds that can be satisfying. You can’t expect a decent ending and in that regard it lives up to expectations.

There’s also a sort of dumb “guy” vibe. Hot women are meant to be ogled, two men in a bathroom is a set-up for a gay joke, snipers wear dark shades and look scary, smart guys wear glasses and look nerdy, and there are several insanely over the top car chase scenes, plus one where the hot babe wields a gun and stands up for herself. And when words won’t do, everything starts blowing up or falling from the sky. It’s basically a fifteen year old’s comic book come to life.

The Island is great fun if you want to test out your sound system, don’t care about using your brain, and aren’t bothered by stupid questions like those above. I actually think it might be cheesy-fun to watch sometime in 2030 after the year depicted in the movie so we can see how wrong the movie’s view of the future is (for starters, it will surely be a Google search kiosk, not MSN). But anyone looking for something more philosophically substantial from their sci-fi might be better off just re-watching The Matrix.

IMDB: The Island
Wikipedia: The Island
Rotten Tomatoes: The Island 40%

Disclosure: I own a tiny amount of Apple stock.

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