Quintet: Frozen wasteland.

= 1 star

Starring Paul Newman, Vittorio Gassman, Brigitte Fossey
Directed by Robert Altman

I’ve watched some fairly mediocre movies lately, but believe I’ve reached a low point from which to rise - because I can’t imagine many films worse than Quintet.

The premise is decent sci-fi: during a future earth ice age, seal-hunter Essex (Paul Newman) and his pregnant companion Vivia (Brigitte Fossey) find a post-apocalyptic underground city, trapped beneath snow. Within, a tribe of surviving humans have created a warped dystopia.

In addition to the premise, the distressed set design is intriguing - everything frozen and covered in ice, and a collapsing society has reverted to the Dark Ages. Many people come across as from a Hieronymus Bosch painting (a still-seated, murdered woman with a knife surrealy stuck through her head).

Murdered? Well, unfortunately, the denizens are obsessed with an invented board game called Quintet. It’s a dice game played on a pentagon using artistic pieces. But these futuristic citizens take competition to an extreme by murdering the losers. I presume it’s largely a game of chance (as opposed to skill) since it uses dice. But the game isn’t all that exciting to watch, and the film’s overdue attention to game through screen time and plot devotion, I found to be a big mistake.

Bad choices begin to pile up like the film’s corpses. Altman applies the frozen tundra apocalypse theme to the entire film, extending frigidity to the film’s pace (glacial), acting (like death warmed over), camera-work (frosty), and quickly disposing of the only character that provides the film with any warmth, Vivia (now that’s just cold). I’d list more, but I’ve run out of icy words.

So I can’t recommend Quintet, even as a rental. It’s really bad, but unfortunately, not so bad that it’s good. It’s so bad that a pretentious contrarian wanting to demonstrate alternative taste, might say it’s good - but I won’t. Just know that this film is mind achingly boring, and if you rent it, I wish to remain blameless for whatever happens to your mind during the ill-advised viewing. Consider this a disclaimer.

IMDB: Quintet
Wikipedia: Quintet
Rotten Tomatoes: Quintet 13%

Categories: 1 Star Movies, General, Movies :: Tags: :: Trackback URL
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