Jason Kaneshiro's Music

May 5, 2007

Album | {Lyrics} | Website

Starring:

MARY
JOHN (Mary’s insane boyfriend)
MIRIAM (Mary’s Mother)
PAUL (Mary’s father)
OTHER WOMAN
LITTLE GIRL
DR. HOTH
NAMELESS SCHMOE BOYFRIEND

Looking For Angels

EDITOR’S NOTE: I’ve been looking for angels out of the corner of my life,
But all I see are pictures of you and I’m sad because I left them all behind.
I’m living in New York by the way, where Shawn, Suzanne and Lennon played guitar.
But then I start to wonder if it’s all a waste of time.
I’m staring at the ground as if it’s good for me.
I try to speak but everyone is learning how to fly…
LITTLE GIRL: I guess that’s life.
EDITOR: So I think about Tanja just to keep the work at bay
And it’s so funny how I never noticed; how I’d miss her voice until I’d finally moved away.
You just can’t predict it anyhow. I guess that’s why I’ve kept it to myself.
Silly Darby calls me up from Harvard, trying to prepare for Joan.
I hope they get indoors before it rains on them.
Though I suppose they’ve got an angel keeping them warm
LITTLE GIRL: I guess that’s love.
EDITOR: So we’re turning now to Mary’s world
Where daddy’s gone missing out of fear confusing questions such as:
“Why do you spend time with me?”
And she can’t believe in angels, no, she can’t believe in angels anymore.
LITTLE GIRL: Something’s turning now in Mary’s World.
Miriam, her mother didn’t have the patience, denying the solace of a passionate family home.
And she can’t believe in angels, no, she can’t believe in angels anymore.

Miriam

Little girl who lives on a country roadway
Little boy she loves living right next door she cries:
MIRIAM: Hello, how are you? I want to walk home with you.
Everybody knows that she’s quite precocious, yet she will pray every day with her rosary:
MIRIAM: Oh God, dear God, why is he so mean to me?
Soon he feels he must give in; for after all they’ve been so close.
All the years without a kiss, each aware what neither knows.
“Yes” with a message from his heart as they consummate.
MIRIAM: Lord, have him stay here forever, somehow obstinate with love, so fragile
Faith, the fault of Miriam.
But there is shame in her, for the end never mends all the tears she’s been fighting.
He starts to hate her so, and he tries to be cruel for she’ll love him through anything.
There came a time when she offered to marry him and he wouldn’t,
Breaking her heart as if she had the time.
Well, I suppose she could wait ’til he does come around.
Why can’t he just take all that’s offered openly and be fortunate?
Shouldn’t he hear the beating of her heart?
But he ignores her because she will always be ’round.
Does she believe she can change his mind? He could do anything at all.
But if she believes in a mystical world it’s not hard.
Back at the house where she sleeps at night she can’t imagine he cares
But loneliness feels better than nothing at all.

Love Is Love

She’s looking at his innocent eyes like a crystal ball.
MIRIAM: Do you believe in love? ‘Cause I feel we could give it a try
Ooh, yeah tell me how you feel…
PAUL: I don’t know. I don’t know. Oh, what does it matter?
MIRIAM: When I hold your hand I feel that it is everything.
When you show your smile, my life needs no more explanation.
Tell me what to do and I will make it up to you, for love, ooh for love.
PAUL: Oh Miriam, you hardly understand what I want to do.
I will travel ’round the world in a pea coat, fight in someone’s war,
Meet the king and queen, or something. I don’t know. Oh, what does it matter?
MIRIAM: Oh Paul I love you! I want to have you! I want to kiss you!
What does it matter?! I want to show you that I love you!
PAUL: Though I guess you’re right, I feel we’re rather something special.
I could live a life and trust that you would always be there.
Something must be said for all the silly things you do for love.
MIRIAM: How I love to hear about the dreams you have! Will you hold my hand?
PAUL: I don’t want to hear about love, you silly girl. I’m tired.
MIRIAM: I love you! Oh, my heart is breaking.
PAUL: Save it all for later, Miri, give it up.
It’s all that I hear about: “love love love!”… give me a kiss and forget about it.
So Miriam has captured his heart on a silver string.
True love is something rare if it’s there, so try to keep it warm,
If it’s how you feel, or something, you could make the effort,
Oh what does it matter?!
MIRIAM: Let’s go to the park and share a chocolate ice cream cone.
You can hold my hand and whisper nothing in my ear.
Tell me what to do and I will make it up to you for love, ooh for love.
PAUL: What a special girl, she offers me most everything.
I won’t break her heart, although it is the greatest thing.
Let her babble on and on and on and on and on that love is love is love.
That love is love is love.

Adorablonde

PAUL: Such a coy persuasion she believes in a world of fairies,
Catching me in headlights blinking “Canopy”, affably talkative.
But after all the words I hid in a magic box with a broken lid
Are speaking out of turn again confusing things.
She knows what she’s supposed to say but there’s only certain words she hears
I swear it’s not that complicated!
OTHER WOMAN: Dis-moi tu voulais quoi au juste, Je n’t’ai jamais menti, injuste.
PAUL: But the song keeps singing, “I want to see her,”
Even though my heart would rather fantasize… so stupid but easier.
But after all the love I had was frightened off by a song sung sad,
Corseting the figure of Adorablonde.
She knows what she’s supposed to do but there’s only certain things she does,
I swear it’s not that complicated!
OTHER WOMAN: Dis-moi tu voulais quoi au juste, Je n’t’ai jamais menti, injuste.
PAUL: With a pocket of flowers should I declare my love at the drop of a hat?
Do you suppose there’s a practical way to ride this river?
Now she feels so abused by romance, caught in a cynical role.
Do you suppose that she’s hopelessly fit for the sorry songs performed?
PAUL: Did she imagine that I would feel hurt?
I always mess up with the shameless flirts.
She smiled so sweetly after all…
’Twas by the river she confessed to me,
“There is no other place I’d rather be.”
Ah well, I adored her more than that!
OTHER WOMAN: Dis-moi tu voulais quoi au juste, Je n’t’ai jamais menti, injuste.

Every Single Day

(Newlyweds PAUL and MIRIAM’s house in paralytic suburbia, several years later)
PAUL: My darling Miri, I’ve always loved you
And I’ve been meaning for some time to tell you…
We’ll be together every single day.
(SCENE 5. Newlyweds PAUL and MIRIAM’s house in paralytic suburbia, several years later)
Hear the morning call, he’s out of bed begrudgingly.
Husband and a wife, the honeymoon’s been interrupted.
Her coffee maker bubbles a bright tune as he yawns and scratches.
PAUL: Where’d you put my mug and spoon? Does anybody do the dishes!?
She burns the toast again and no one is impressed.
Here his lovely face turns a shade of gray.
It’s the same old love every single day.
What else can they do?
Once upon a time she found his voice oh-so-exciting.
He would scatter flowers all about the house for her to seek and find.
But it isn’t like that anymore; he’s got to earn that paycheck.
So she went and got herself a job, and now he rarely sees her…
except on weekends, and then she’s dog tired.
Such a lovely scene tends to fade away.
It’s the same old love every single day (no one said life was fair).
Then on Wednesday he doesn’t come home at all.
And suddenly she can’t sleep.
So she sits herself down on the living room floor, a teary eye on the door.
At four o’clock he enters and he apologizes.
PAUL: This won’t happen again.
So she tries to forgive him with love…until the next time.
It’s past midnight, he’s coming home drunk, with the smell on his clothes of someone’s perfume.
A shoulder-length amber brown hair (a French curl) falls from the sleeve of his coat.
But the next day she questions him:
MIRIAM: Where the hell have you been?
Were you with someone else?
And if so would you give me a reason why you’ve gone astray?
Here his lovely face turns a shade of gray.
PAUL: It’s some girl at work, what more can I say? Do you want a divorce?
MIRIAM: Well I’m sorry if that’s your answer, ’cause I’ve been waiting for some time to tell you.
I am expecting and it’s a problem, if you’re a father who will go missing…

Care For You

In a drawing room with a clock a-ticking, one pale hand with palm inviting honesty.
Though no word’s been said and the maid’s gone missing, no thought could avert the coming tragedy.
PAUL: Tell your mother, give thanks to Father Murphy.
This is your sister; her name is Mary too.
MARY: I don’t want to care for you.
Like a wishing well, our Mary’s eyes did water,
sent from home to cousins like a boarding school.
And her sister cries from a bedtime story, daddy’s just found someone else to lie to.
MARY: Tell my mother, give thanks to Father Murphy. I’m with my sister, her name is Mary too.
It’s so hard to say good-bye when there’s no one there to take their place.
Does a daughter realize the falling out is not her fault? Mother isn’t here to hear her pleas.
Mary goes on to be prettier than mother could.
She grows up with her sister there knocking on wood.
And she dreams of the family that someday she’ll have.
MARY: Tell my mother, give thanks to Father Murphy. I’m with my sister.
Now her father’s come for a Sunday visit. Says,
PAUL: I’m sorry for all the awful things I’ve done…
My darling daughter, how you resemble mother; she’d be proud!
And Mary says,
MARY: Someday I’m sure I’ll be old enough to understand
How a woman is born to give meaning to man.
And I’m sorry to say I regret what you’ve done.
’Cause I don’t love you; I don’t love anyone. Except my sister…
So I must travel the earth ’til I find my true love
For he left when he bore me because he gave up.
And I vow to return once I’ve won back his hand.
And I hope when I’m older you will understand.

Mary’s Book

Say hello to peppermints in Mary’s World
Where the willow weeps and cries into her china
Under all the flowers on the blouse she wears are smiles
In spite of apathy in place of family
Her secret: feeling just as warm as she believes
All of her lifetime waiting for her one recital
Elemental prodigy but who can tell
For the eyes of scholars rarely greet their rivals
But it’s understated by the simpler eyes she draws
Her figure blossoms into innocence and grace
No telling where she caught the glow upon her face
Still deep inside her, tragic oratory saying:
“Mother didn’t want me, so I will run away
“I could be happier all by myself
“Father’s got a lover, they live in Florida
“I’m pretty sure it was some girl from work”
And every time he tells a lie it seems there’s nothing wrong with that
“For there is no one keeping track of sinners”
Soon she wears a blush upon her face
Staying silent, anywhere, anyplace
Deep in knowledge she will hide away
Every novel read in bed, comforted
Wordsworth and Shakespeare, Arthur Miller, D.H. Lawrence
High-school and acting soon she’s found her one acceptance
“When was your performance? Sorry I wasn’t there
“I’ve gotten busier since our divorce”
Father was a no-show, no time for Mary’s prayer
So she strikes her set in silence after hours
And there’s no time for pity parties
There’s no answer anyway
And with her sister there are always tears to dry
Every letter circled up taken down
After midnight with a Oujia board
Odd predictions fit as cool eiderdown
LOVE SUICIDAL WAITRESS TO APOTHECARY
X-CHILD IN CHELSEA IGNORANCE TO ARMAGEDDON
Say good-bye to tears upon the blouse she wears
For her last audition offers their acceptance
After graduation there’s a chance to move uptown
“Certain someone smiling from the windows up above
“He loves me more than any man could ever”
“Say to her daughter, ‘Come and visit me when you have time.’
“Do you follow everything your life can offer?”

Satchel Of Apples

(Starving actress MARY and NAMELESS SCHMOE BOYFRIEND in Greenwich Village)
Cinnamon building and vine curling up to the window.
Mary reciting her lines for a part with a satchel of apples for dinner.
Will this part be the one where they finally give in?
Early audition at nine for The Odd Conversation, slowly adjusting her hair as a charm.
But the lights are not right for her makeup.
As she cries “Liberte,” they slowly look away…
Once back at home she waits for the phone to ring with her incense and peppermints.
All through their play she saw wonder and happiness so why can’t they see her the same?
MARY: Maybe my karma is wrong.
Mary cuts to her boyfriend.
NSB: Why don’t you go back to school?
he replies.
MARY: What if I took a shot at directing?
NSB: Well I’m sure you’d be good at rejecting poor girls…
Mary is late for a chance at a part in a picture (Cakes On A Shelf) as a maid stealing bread.
Though the lines are not right for her timbre, she would die for her name to be heard anywhere.
One misread cue, she waits for the phone to ring not quite expecting anything.
So she writes a poem, her satchel of apples here, accepting it’s all she can have.

Lost Nor Found

(MARY didn’t get the part she wanted. This appears to spark a nervous breakdown)
She’s been recalling her parents’ divorce feeling lost.
Tears down a playbill that’s taped to her mirror; it’s time, time to move on.
Follow her lonely from Little West Twelfth as she hides her face from the sun.
All of the dreams that she’s kept in her box have been stolen or squandered in hell.
Doesn’t she mind?
MARY: No, well, I’m not really listening, no, not at all.
Ma’s been courting her daffodils since the earth turned around.
Pa’s been sorting all through his heart for his soul neither lost nor found.
Listen, big deal if she’s not such an actress, she’s still doing better than some.
But some is not many for she’s never met any of them.
MARY (as she packs): Ah well.
Sadly her address is lost in the shuffle, her boyfriend has no way to call.
Her new apartment in Chelsea no less is unfurnished - she likes it like that.
Doesn’t she mind?
MARY: No, well, I’m not really listening, no, not at all.
She’ll be sitting beside herself while the world does without.
She’ll be searching all through her heart for her soul neither lost nor found.
And I suppose someday, someone will pay for this.
Pulling the black to red of every stolen kiss. Doesn’t she mind?
MARY: No, well, I’m not really listening, no, not at all.
Ma’s been courting her daffodils since the world turned around.
Pa’s been sorting all through his heart for his soul neither lost nor found.

Prophecy

(MARY is alone in her new Chelsea apartment (getting drunk),
musing on everything and nothing in particular)
Every other day is another of work and she’s been a good girl.
Open up her toy box or Lincoln Log set abating her judgement.
’Cause a prophecy has a way of coming true
Though a prophecy won’t listen to you.
Bottled up indoors when she’s not on the clock the phone down the banister.
Trying to complete jigsaw puzzles with drink, a piece or two missing.
But she can’t go on like this ’cause it’s not her fault.
She’s been good, good enough for love.
Does she hope that she’ll meet someone?
Well she will!

Mellaril Girl

She’s been a victim for all of her life, the Mellaril girl.
Spending her money on therapy, sucking on cigarettes and ecstasy.
Gathering stuff to keep up her high, lately preparing for suicide.
Razor blade and spatter on the linoleum floor.
She runs out of confidence and throws up on the door. Give her some pills…
Happy at the hospital, the Mellaril girl after her sedation can stagger back to work.
And though she isn’t looking there’s always a surprise.
This time it’s a customer with sentimental eyes.
(Diner where MARY works. She is serving/flirting with JOHN whom she has just met)
JOHN: Tell me, what’s the special of the day, if you don’t mind?
He dresses kind of sloppily but has a voice so kind it calms her down.
MARY: Will he ask me out?
she wonders.
MARY: I feel so lonely now. He just might be the one to save me from myself.
He doesn’t think I’m crazy, or does he?
Just like her mum and dad before the scenery went bad.
So maybe this is love.
Soon she finds he’s a very good kisser, drove his own tank in the war.
At last Mary feels she has passed the audition, she won’t be the victim no more.

Garnet Hill

(JOHN, obnoxious slacker/Gen X/loser is expressing his infatuation with MARY)
JOHN: She was only a waitress as far as I could tell, concluding every word with matches.
And she nearly succeeded with open kiss and tell.
Sometimes you’ve got to pay, sometimes you give ’em hell.
So she recalls once I get home, “Oh yeah, we’re going to a show.”
She takes off all her clothes…
BAR PATRON: All been bought from Garnet Hill?
JOHN (ignoring BAR PATRON): Sunny side on her T-shirt without a place to go,
I guess that’s why she pays for action.
Sitting all by her lonesome on a crowded subway train,
She’s telling me a lie as I’ve heard it all again.
Though all her love she feels is mine, all mine I know it’s not my fault ’cause I could do without.
She don’t kill like other girls.
She’s been built from Garnet hill.
London, Washington, anywhere she goes I’ll run.
All my alibis falling from the bridge of sighs.
I’m not good enough what else can I do?
She’s been looking like the sight of the day, all of her elation complete.
She’s been lying while I’ve been crying “Everything I want sell away at the scene.”
She don’t feel like other girls…
She’s been built from Garnet Hill.

Emotional Secrets

(JOHN and MARY in bed. JOHN is smoking another cigarette)
MARY: I don’t mind lying in the dark for a while.
Was it pain or pleasure for your very first time?
JOHN: I didn’t want it, she didn’t want it…but it was free and it made her shut up.
JOHN: “Why don’t you hold my hand? Or am I not good enough?”
MARY: No true words were said?
’cause every time I put my tongue in cheek she could not speak.
I wanted to forget about her heart.
There are only three words that were never said…I guess I could swallow them…
Getting in her back seat where we learned how to drive…
MARY: So did she want it? So did she like it?
JOHN: No, but it was fun to see a little girl cry,
“Why don’t you give me flowers or am I not good enough?”
MARY: No true words were said?
MARY: So did she just give in while you put out and she shut up
While you withheld the information?
JOHN: (silence)
MARY: Please be good to me ’cause I’m no good at making up or just making out.
JOHN: (silence)
MARY: I’ve never done that kind of thing to anyone.
But I must be honest, I know someone who has.
Well, he is my father, and I love him still, despite the problems that I seem to have.
And I guess I could love you over anything, ’cause anything goes…
and I know I could change your heart to see the good that can be wrought from love.
You have been through a lot of shit and it feels like generation excess.
True confession is hard to mention so I’ll catch your breath with a suicide kiss.
I love you because I can.

Generation Excess

JOHN: I’ve been looking in the mirror…
I don’t want to be forgotten…
I don’t want to work for wages…I don’t want to stay infected.
Lying on the floor faking suicide, crying every night ’cause she takes my pride,
cutting out the slack of this generation excess…
DR. HOTH (scribbles on his yellow pad)
JOHN: I’ve been sleeping with a waitress…
DR. HOTH: …all her lifetime spent neglected.
JOHN: All her lifetime felt rejected…she just wants to lie in silence.
DR. HOTH: Does she want to sleep in the park tonight?
Does she want to steal something out of spite?
JOHN: Jacking off the high of this generation excess.

See It Like That

(Mary finds out she is pregnant. She goes to bed and has a dream)
JOHN: We can’t go on like this so long as you do that.
I thought I loved you once, but you don’t want to see it like that.
JOHN: So you wanted me to save you from your apathetic house unrest.
But it’s hard to be your lover when you start to answer questions with a pregnancy test
that came out positive without a reason why.
But I can take a message; I’ll love you till the day I die!
JOHN: But you don’t want to see it like that, you don’t want to see it like that.
You’re looking for some fantasy guy, one who’s not a weakling but is not afraid to cry.
One who takes away your innocence and spits it in your face.
But you don’t want to see it like that!
So you sneak around the fences for a “Romeo and Juliet” love…
and I try sometimes to mention an engagement shyly certain it will scare you right?
(MARY does not answer)
JOHN: Offer your acceptance if only for the kid.
We’ll tell her that we love each other or at least pretend that we did.
But you don’t want to see it like that, you don’t want to see it like that.
You’re looking for some fantasy guy, one who’s not a weakling but is not afraid to cry.
One who’s like your father but who doesn’t run away.
It seems you are afraid of love even if it wants to stay.
But you don’t want to see it like that.
I don’t quite understand why you take tit for tat.
I’ll try to get a job, but you don’t want to see it like that.
You want to keep the child, but swear you don’t want me.
This is not fair to her, but you don’t want to see it like that.
I can’t go on like this so long as you do that.
I thought I loved you once, but you don’t want to see it like that.
You don’t want to see it like that!

Poor Little Rich Girl

(JOHN hears message on his machine from MARY.
He goes to her apartment to try to work things out.)
JOHN: Tell me why you feel so insecure. Tell me why, tell me why you want to run away.
MARY: I don’t know, although you love me…so I don’t know, I don’t have anything to say.
JOHN: Stop right there, turn around. I don’t really ask for much.
MARY: Poor little boys need time and understanding.
JOHN: Why don’t you? Aren’t you a poor little rich girl too?
MARY: I don’t know. I don’t love anyone.
Just as well, just as well, what am I to say?
I just feel no need to settle down anyhow, anywhere. Is that somewhat strange?
JOHN: Stop right there…
MARY: NO! …And I have decided that we should spend some time apart.
I just want to go somewhere where I can be alone.
JOHN: Do you perceive me as someone who would try to abuse you?
MARY: No, but I don’t like the way you talk as if I would ignore the baby.
Some of us can give love, while most of us would die to remember the way it really is.
JOHN: But if you bite the hand that feeds you, you lick the boot that kicks you.
MARY: Oh, this is true.
JOHN: And she’ll be a poor little rich girl too.

Chelsea Girls

(JOHN, depressed, goes to a bar)
Sheep to the slaughter line up innocent and white.
Innocence is ignorance despite what it inspires.
From an actress to a waitress there’s a “give and take” without a “conform”.
She wasn’t ready for the marriage he proposed.
Although he really loves her she still feels somewhat ignored.
Something ’bout a lover that showed love at all was a subtly frightening thing.
Chelsea girls go on and on pretending they’ve seen everything,
As if you live your life to find some sorry girl to spit upon.
No one really understands the past.
You can try to save ’em from collapse, but maybe that’s the point of Chelsea girls.
Is she truly lonely or just cloying for surprise?
She’s got this pretty boy considerably sold to work overtime.
No one listens to what mother said.
Say your prayers and get into bed.
Don’t admit you dream of Chelsea girls.
She’s got a canvas made of ordinary paper.
She tries to paint herself.
As for dear Mary, well she finally knows her mother — in spite of bitter words and bad advice.
Like: WHO CAN TELL A LIE BUT A MAN WHO KNOWS THE TRUTH — that tell her what to do.
Love or war it’s all a game
Lovers leap into the hall of shame
Love is simpler than you were told
Lovers walk above their self control
Love is every other song I sing
Love is giving in to everything
Love is hidden in what you perceive
Love is everything you don’t believe
Love is always on the cheap for Chelsea girls

Doing The Sedgewick

(The bar band begins to play).
All of my life has been wasted as a rule.
All of my love just depends on what I do.
I still look up to her, she was my debutante.
Time-a-killing, I’ll always do the Sedgewick.
You know I send her my regards.
You know she doesn’t drive a car.
Called me sometime with a cigarette in hand.
When she was bored we would go to see some band.
The Velvet Underground lost everything she found.
Burning to the churning of amphetamine, kick the Dada earring with a partying queen.
Turn into a model and be this year’s girl.
Spend your father’s money ’cuz he owes you the world.
Owe, owe, owe!

Nobody Talks

(JOHN leaves the bar, covering his ears, and goes to a movie).
JOHN: Sheep to the slaughter talking all I have to offer…so I ought to be happier by now.
She was a good girl though she tore apart my whole world.
Funny how the slow ones get around…now she’s somewhere beside herself where angels play.
Is our daughter listening…?
JOHN: Say that she loves me one more time? Nobody talks the way she does.
JOHN: I’ve nothing more to witness. I’ve got the loving sickness.
Who thought she’d rather be alone?
No more possession hiding, no more rejection pending, no answer message on her phone.
JOHN: Now she’s somewhere beside herself where angels play. Is our daughter listening…?
JOHN: Say that she loves me one more time? Nobody talks the way she does.
La dee da.
JOHN: I’ve got nothing more to add, I’ve got nothing more to say.
Close your eyes nobody talk about that girl, she can’t come home.
JOHN: Say that she loves me one more time? Nobody talks the way she does.
Ah well, “la dee da, la dee da.”

Mary’s World

She’s got a long white dress that hangs inside her walk-in closet
Waiting for the day it may be used
But there are loans to pay and Serengeti sights to see
And her mind won’t help her find a love that’s true
I don’t want to say that she’s wrong
Especially when he’s playing around
Hold her heart as though it were a pearl
No-one wants to be all alone
Especially when they’re on their own
A tick becomes a tock in Mary’s World
I wish the very best for everyone in spite of danger
No-one is a victim in the soul
Some Cinderella may speak coyly as she cleans the chimney
“Diamonds are a special kind of coal.”
I don’t want to say that you’re wrong
Spend your lifetime fooling around
Pretending you’re a special sort of girl
No-one wants to be all alone
Especially once they’ve left the home
A nick becomes a knock in Mary’s World
In Mary’s World: “la dee da.”
I don’t want to say that she’s wrong
Especially when he’s playing around
Hold her heart as though it were a pearl
No-one wants to be all alone
Especially when they’re on their own
A tick becomes a tock in Mary’s World
A nick becomes a knock in Mary’s World
A lick becomes good luck in Mary’s World